


the rum tum tugger is a terrible bore

by SpectresWonderland



Series: Trans Ricky [2]
Category: High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (TV)
Genre: Autistic Ricky Bowen (HSM: The Series), E.J’s in college now, NB Seb, Ricky Bowen Needs A Hug (HSM: The Series), Ricky’s playing The Rum Tum Tugger., They/Them pronouns for Seb, They’re doing Cats., Trans Ashlyn Caswell (HSM: The Series), Trans Big Red (HSM: The Series), Trans Male Character, Trans Male Pregnancy, Trans Ricky Bowen (HSM: The Series), Trans experiences written by a trans author, Winter Break, fr though
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-11
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:07:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 12,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22638964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpectresWonderland/pseuds/SpectresWonderland
Summary: Ricky is cast as a major character for his fourth production in a row. There’s nothing that could could fuck this up.Except for one... very small bump in the road.or,Ricky and E.J. spend break together but weren’t as safe as they thoughtor,hsmtmts but most of them are trans in a way
Relationships: Big Red/Ashlyn Caswell, Gina Porter/Nini Salazar-Roberts, Ricky Bowen/E.J. Caswell
Series: Trans Ricky [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1615576
Comments: 131
Kudos: 106





	1. are you blind when you’re born?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Anyone can play him better than Jason Derulo,” Ricky defended. He saw E.J. roll his eyes, “Don’t roll your eyes, I’m right! I don’t think John Partridge sucked cat toes in the ‘98 movie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can be read alone, or as a follow up to my (unfinished) ‘secret for the mad’
> 
> Ricky isn’t out to anyone else yet, except for E.J., Nini and Red, and he intends to keep it that way.

Ricky sighed, heading into East High with Big Red. Winter break had just ended the day before. Ricky had spent the entirety of it with E.J., who had come back home from college for break, and the senior was sorely missing his boyfriend.

Break was _amazing,_ he admitted, most of his time being spent pinned under his boyfriend (of course, he did other things, but those specific times were stuck in his mind).

But now here he was, back at school, wrapped in E.J.’s varsity jacket.

He headed down to the black box, feeling bad for coming in a little late.

“Finally!” Someone laughed. Ricky registered it as Seb.

Ricky snorted, “Sorry, got caught up in something.”

“Your boyfriend?” Gina asked, looking him up and down.

“Hey!” Miss Jenn interrupted, “There’s no need for that. And welcome Ricky, take a seat and we can continue.”

“Continue?” 

“She’s announcing the spring show!” Seb grinned.

That piqued Ricky’s interest, and he did what she said, sitting in his usual spot next to Gina.

“Alright!” She continued, clasping her hands, “As I was saying, this musical that I chose is a complicated one, but after seeing what this department can do... I think we can handle it.”

“And?” Carlos chimed in, “Are you going to tell us?”

Miss Jenn smiled, “Can I get a drumroll?”

Ricky did that, making a drumroll on his thighs as he looked up to where Miss Jenn was grabbing the clicker for the projector.

“And our 20-21 spring musical is... Cats!” She announced. 

There were groans from a few people, and hushed murmurs. Ricky smiled softly though. Cats. That was he and E.J.’s first date that previous year. 

He did have his reservations though. Who would he _play?_ Ricky was confused as hell, should he even audition?

“Oh you _better_ ,” E.J. told Ricky on their call later, after Ricky told him about his hesitancy.

“God Ricky,” he laughed, “I’d kill to audition.”

“Yeah, but who could I even play?”

“ _Mungojerrie,_ ” E.J. insisted.

Ricky shook his head, “That’s who Seb’s going for, I can’t take that from them.”

The older boy laughed, “I never pegged you as selfless,” he snorted, “What about Rum Tum Tugger? You’d play him better than Jason Derulo.”

“ _Anyone_ can play him better than Jason Derulo,” Ricky defended. He saw E.J. roll his eyes, “Don’t roll your eyes, I’m right! I don’t think John Partridge sucked cat toes in the ‘98 movie.”

E.J. broke into laughter, “I’d hope you’re not into that.”

“I mean... if you _want_ me to be,” Ricky joked, smirking.

“Well! I think I gotta go,” E.J. said, feigning disgust.

“Kidding!” Ricky snickered, “I do have to go though, I’ll talk to you later?”

E.J. grinned at that. Not his usual, teasing grin, but a warm, genuine smile, and Ricky almost melted, because that was _his_ boy, “Of course,” He said gently, “In the morning?”

“In the morning,” Ricky confirmed. Words caught in his throat at the end there, something being left unsaid, something Ricky knew he wanted to say, but couldn’t. So he didn’t.

_I love you._

He substituted it with an “I’ll see you hun, bye,” before hanging up.

The next day, when auditions rolled around Ricky was nervous as hell. He still had two left feet and wasn’t sure he was right for this show at all. He prayed Miss Jenn didn’t cast him in a heavy dance role.

It was hard without E.J. there, but he did go through with it, with a bunch of encouragement from his friends. After he finished though, he sat with the others, trying not to let his hands shake. He was fine. He was /fine/.

Just like the three previous productions Ricky had done, Miss Jenn was quick to put out the cast list, everybody gathering around it when she stepped away. Ricky read over it and widened his eyes. Holy _shit._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter the cast list will be revealed ;) any predictions?


	2. can you see in the dark?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oh no, not tights, I’d never do that to you,” Kourtney agreed, looking at Gina. The girls shared a knowing look, and Ricky was heavily confused, until they looked back at him together.
> 
> ”Leather,” they said in unison.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about the length, next chapter will be way longer!

_ Rico Peñate - Mr. Mistoffelees  _

_ Ricky Bowen - The Rum Tum Tugger _

_ Gina Porter - Rumpleteazer_

_ Nini Salazar-Roberts - Bombalurina  _

_ Seb Mathew-Smith - Mungojerrie _

_ Ashlyn Caswell - Jennyanydots  _

_ Kourtney Reneé - Grizzabella _

_ Big Red - Skimbleshanks _

Ricky’s eyes scanned the list, his heart jumping when he saw his name. Holy _shit._ He looked around to see everyone else. Gina and Seb were celebrating together, and Kourtney was standing there, pretty shocked. Ricky headed up to her, “Grizzabella huh? That’s amazing!” he congratulated.

Kourtney looked at him still in disbelief, “Is Miss Jenn out of her mind?”

“Kourt,” Ricky laughed, “You’re going to be _amazing,“_ he insisted.

Kourtney shook her head, “Who’s gonna do makeup if I’ll be in the show too?” 

“We’ll work it out, I’m sure you could still do it,” Ricky reasoned, “It won’t be like last year, you actually have some notice this time.

She nodded her agreement, “You’re right.. plus I have this whole time to plan for makeup,” she grinned.

“And costume I’m assuming?” Gina added in, coming up to the two, “I couldn’t think of anyone better to be on costume crew.”

“Oh girl, you have _no_ clue what’s going on in my head for costumes right now, I am gonna have _fun_ with this,” Kourtney laughed.

“Ok, but if you put me in tights, I _will_ quit.”

“Oh no, not tights, I’d never do that to you,” Kourtney agreed, looking at Gina. The girls shared a knowing look, and Ricky was heavily confused, until they looked back at him together.

_”Leather,”_ they said in unison.

Ricky’s eyes went wide, “Oh _hell_ no,” he insisted. He played it off with a laugh, but internally he was panicking. Sure he wasn’t the curviest person out there, but he had noticeable hips, and he knew leather pants would do more harm than good to him.

Gina smirked “But think think about it Ricky,” she teased, “You? Leather pants? A leather top?”

That made his stomach churn, “Doesn’t Tugger wear spandex? like everyone else?” Ricky would find himself regretting saying that almost instantly though.

“Oh.....” Kourtney hummed, “I could work with spandex, I could get someone to paint it, and it would look perfect on that twiggy body of yours,” she laughed.

“Twiggy? What’s that supposed to mean?”

Gina snickered, “She’s calling you tiny Ricky.”

“That’s not a bad thing!” Kourtney defended, “The spandex would hug you nicer than some of us.”

Ricky felt like he was going to puke. Fuck. He had forgotten in the split second of anxiety that spandex would, in fact be way worse than leather, “Yeah,” he laughed, trying not to let it show, “Hey I gotta go, I’m gonna go call E.J., tell him the news, I’ll see you guys at the cast meeting tomorrow morning okay?”

The girls looked at him with a little concern, and Kourtney offered a gentle smile, “Bye Ricky, tell E.J. I said hi.”

“Yeah, me too,” Gina added in.

Ricky gave a nod, “See you,” he murmured, before heading off quickly.


	3. can you say of your bite, that it’s worse than your bark?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Damn man, good luck to you and your girl,” The cashier said, trying to offer his support. Ricky gave him that.
> 
> “Thanks,” Ricky mumbled, hanging his money over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: vomit, dysphoria

It had been over a month and a half since the cast list was posted, and Ricky was having a.. decent time. It seemed harder than the last show without E.J. had been. He guessed it was just the nerves of everything, from E.J. not being there, although that was one of the smallest worries he had, to the fact that Kourtney actually deciding to put him in leather, to the impending anxiety of eventually having to come out to the cast.

Sure he knew he probably shouldn’t worry, hell, Ashlyn and Red were trans, and Seb was non-binary, and the whole cast was extremely supportive of them. Ricky just wanted to... wait as long as he could.

On top of that though, he had been feeling sick for the past few days, nothing too bad to worry about, but just enough to stay on Ricky’s mind.

Ricky wasn’t dancing _too_ much, and he was thankful for that, but he did have a few big scenes, including the one they were staying now, the opening number, _‘Jellicle Songs For Jellicle Cats’_. He struck his final pose, as Kaden rambled off his last few lines. They all stopped after the transition. His head was spinning and he felt sick to his stomach. He sat down along with a few other people, barely hearing Carlos’ notes, not paying attention until he heard the boy call his name.

“Ricky? Ricky you with us?” He asked, arching an eyebrow.

He was about to give Carlos an answer, but felt bile rise up to his throat. Ricky scrambled to his feet, bolting out of the room, and making it to the bathroom just in time to lose his lunch. 

The senior sat over the toilet for a few minutes, letting out a quiet groan as he stood up shakily, wiping off his mouth. When he left the stall, he jumped almost out of his skin when he saw Nini standing right out front, “Jesus Nini,” He mumbled, “You should get back to rehearsals, I’ll be back soon.”

Nini shook her head, “Ricky...” She said gently, “I’m not going in without you, talk to me..”

“I’m fine Neens,” he insisted, “Just a little sick s’all.”

She frowned out of concern, “Want me to tell Miss Jenn you’re heading home?”

“But we were supposed to stage my number today, plus we still have like, two hours left, and-“ Ricky stopped when she gave _the look,_ ”Alright,” He mumbled.

“Call your dad, tell me when you get home safe okay?”

All Ricky gave was a nod, and Nini wrapped her arms around him, “Feel better, okay?”

“Okay.”

Ricky did as she asked, not.. entirely though. He didn’t call his dad, instead, he opted to skate home, not wanting to bother his dad right now. He just lied and said they got out early.

He was relaxing in bed, some TV show playing in the background while he scrolled through his instagram feed. After just about 15 minutes of being home, he got a notification on his phone.

_**Clue 5:41 PM:** _

_Your period is two weeks late, anything to tell clue?_

Ricky’s heart fell to the pit of his stomach. _What?_ He must’ve forgotten to log something, or the notification was wrong, he was sure he had one the week before last, but with a simple check, that was disproven.

He was sent into instant panic mode. It was just a coincidence. _Just_ a coincidence that he hasn’t had his period in almost two months. Two months in fact, after break, after he and E.J. had been rather... active. Just a coincidence that he was feeling sick out of nowhere, and that his chest was feeling more tender than usual -he thought that was just because of how much time he’d spent in his binder lately-.

He _wasn’t._ There was no way he could be. He and E.J. were safe that week. He _knew_ E.J. wore protection every time. Therefore? There was no way he could be.

There was a nagging, dysphoric, part of him the was still yelling at him as he tried to settle, the part of him that poked, and pointed at his anxieties. 

After almost an hour of trying to calm himself down, Ricky gave in, grabbing his skateboard and heading down to the CVS down the street. He needed to check. He _needed_ to prove his anxieties wrong.

Ricky grabbed one of the first pregnancy tests he saw, not even looking down at it when he put it down into the counter, not looking at the cashier either. 

“Damn man, good luck to you and your girl,” The cashier said, trying to offer his support. Ricky gave him that.

“Thanks,” Ricky mumbled, handing his money over.

The transaction went over quickly, and Ricky was back at home, in his bathroom in no time. He sat against the door, the plastic stick staring him down from where it sat on the counter.

The timer ticked down on Ricky’s phone, and he pretended not to hear it when it went off, but the alarm burned into his head. Ricky hauled himself up to his feet, taking a deep, shaky breath before moving to turn it over.


	4. can you find your way blind?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’re okay, everything’s okay Ricky.”
> 
> He shook his head.
> 
> “You’re still here, you’re still breathing,” she insisted.
> 
> “Nini I’m pregnant.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: trans male pregnancy, panic attacks

Ricky nearly passed out right then and there when he saw what was waiting for him on the other side of the test.

Positive.

Fucking _positive._

 _He was pregnant._ Ricky Bowen, East High Drama’s leading man for the past three shows, was _pregnant_. Ricky didn’t believe it. He didn’t believe it at all. 

He didn’t realize when the tears started coming, and when his legs gave out under him, causing him to fall in his knees. Ricky had started to shake, wrapping his arms around himself as he started to sob. His life was fucking _ruined._

Ricky fumbled for his phone, typing out a messy and quick message.

_**ninu need you over niw pleade hurry** _

A response came only a few more moments later, although in Ricky’s state, it felt like an hour.

_Ricky? Hey hey hey, I’m coming, okay?_

_What’s going on?_

**_camt breathe, im scared really scared_ **

**_please_ **

Nini continued to sent Ricky messages to keep him grounded, and it only helped slightly. By the time Nini got there, Ricky was still on his bathroom floor, clutching onto himself for dear life, barely noticing when Nini let herself into his house, calling out to him.

She finally came to the bathroom, opening the door when she heard Ricky’s sobbing.

Ricky’s stomach lurched when she came down onto her knees beside him and set an attempt at a gentle hand on his back, he didn’t pull away though, as much at everything screamed at him to do so. He leaned into her, sobbing into her shoulder. 

Nini finally worked him down enough, pulling away to look at him, “You’re okay, everything’s okay Ricky.”

He shook his head.

“You’re still here, you’re still breathing,” she insisted.

“Nini I’m _pregnant.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello heathens  
> take a small chapter i finished at almost 2 am


	5. when you’re lost in the streets.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new rush of anxiety hit Ricky, his eyes going wide. Shit. _Everyone else._ Nobody else knew he was even _trans_. How would that even go down? 
> 
> _Hey guys so I’m trans, but plot twist, I’m also pregnant._
> 
> He was so fucking scared.

“Oh Ricky...” Nini whispered, pure concern in her eyes, “And you just found out..”

“Half an hour ago,” he croaked.

Nini sighed, “Am I the first person you told?”

The boy gave a pitiful nod, not trusting himself to talk. He felt so small in that moment, so, unbelievably vulnerable.

“You’re okay,” She tried to assure him, “I’m right here.”

That made Ricky break again. He wasn’t okay. He wasn’t okay in the _slightest._ He was sitting here, a child growing in him right now, and his boyfriend was halfway across the country, none the wiser. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do,” he choked out

Nini brushed his curls out of his forehead, setting a hand on his cheek, “Ricky Bowen,” She started, ”You are one of the strongest people I’ve ever met, whatever you end up doing, I know you’ll get through it.”

“Nini I-I’m scared,” Ricky whimpered, his voice weak.

“I know, That’s valid, you have _every_ right to be.”

“I’m not ready to be a dad,” He mumbled, “E.J. probably isn’t either, f-fuck, what is he gonna say?”

Nini shook her head, “He _loves_ you, and if he isn’t supportive? You have everyone behind you to back you up.”

A new rush of anxiety hit Ricky, his eyes going wide. Shit. _Everyone else._ Nobody else knew he was even _trans_. How would that even go down? 

_Hey guys so I’m trans, but plot twist, I’m also pregnant._

He was so fucking scared.

Ricky stayed home the next day, trying to sell the idea that it was just a stomach bug, but when he returned to school, he was still nauseous as hell, plus he still had to go to rehearsals. He powered through it the best he could. 

His off-ness didn’t go unnoticed though. Ashlyn watched him most of the time, texting E.J. afterwards.

_**Hey, is Ricky okay?** _

_Last night he said he was alright_

_Is something wrong?_

**_He just seems really sick, plus he missed school yesterday.._ **

**_Has he not said anything to you?_ **

_No??_

_Thanks though Ash._

_I’m gonna go talk to him._

Ashlyn felt bad for saying anything, but she had absolutely no clue, so it wasn’t her fault, she was just concerned about her friend.

No more than two minutes go by, before Ricky gets a call from E.J. His heart sinks, but he takes a deep breath before answering, trying to sound as a-okay as possible.

“Hey E.J.,” He said gently.

Almost as soon as the words leave his mouth, E.J.’s talking.

“Ricky? Ash texted my saying you seemed sick, is everything okay?”

Ricky took a shuddering breath, “Yeah um, it’s just a small bug, I’ll be fine.”

“Babe..”

“I’m gonna be okay, I promise,” Ricky assured, praying he was right.

E.J. just sighed, “Spring Break can’t come quicker, I can’t wait to see you, and everyone.”

Fuck. Ricky totally forgot about that. _How_ did he forget about that? “Yeah,” he said, smiling softly, trying to show he was okay.

“Only two more weeks and I’ll be back in Salt Lake,” E.J. continued.

Ricky kept up his fake smile, “Two weeks.”


	6. i remember the time I knew what happiness was

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He pulled the test out, holding it in his hands. Now or never. Come on Bowen. 
> 
> “I’m pregnant E.J.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Ricky’s roughly 13 weeks in this, and when i was expecting, i started showing at 12, so I’m basing it off of that lmao

The next two weeks ran by way faster than Ricky would have liked, and he was stuck in rehearsals, the minutes ticking away before they would be released to go home for spring break.

He had run to fill up his water bottle, and Nini had followed him. “I really, _really_ don’t know what I’m gonna do Neens,” Ricky sighed, screwing the cap on his bottle, “He’s coming over tonight after he unpacks, and I-I’m so scared..”

“Are you planning on telling him?” Nini asked gently.

Ricky sighed, “I don’t _know_ , I can’t put it off much longer, N-Nini there’s already something there,” he murmured quietly, referring to the barely-there bump he had.

Nini frowned, “Just remember, if something happens, I’m just a call away.”

He have a weak smile, “Let’s just.. hope it goes well?”

“Of course, best wishes okay? I’m here for you Ricky,” Nini said, reaching out to grab Ricky’s hand and squeezing gently.

The boy squeezed back, “Thanks.”

That evening, E.J. had texted Ricky when he left his parents’ house, heading over. Ricky paced his room anxiously, grateful that his dad had left for the evening, to give the boys space. He hated an empty house though, it was too quiet. Way too quiet. He fiddled with the test in his hands, staring down at the pink plus sign. Ricky was gonna do it tonight, he knew he was. He found himself deep in thought, only being jolted out when a knock came at his front door. He stuffed the test in his hoodie pocket and headed downstairs, taking a deep breath in before opening the door, “There you are,” He said, painting a grin on his face.

E.J. wore a warm smile, “Here I am,” he chuckled, coming into the house with his arms open.

Ricky fell into his arms, giving a shaky sigh, “God I missed you,” he murmured, breathing in E.J.’s familiar scent, before pulling away, “Upstairs?” He asked, his heart pounding in his chest out of anticipation. 

The other boy nodded, “Yeah, totally.”

And with that, the two headed up to Ricky’s room. When the door was shut behind them, Ricky sighed, mentally preparing himself. “E.J.?” He asked, his voice shaking only slightly, “Can I um.. talk to you?”

E.J. furrowed his eyebrows out of concern, “Is everything okay?”

“I-I don’t know,” Ricky forced out, sitting on his bed, “Can you sit?”

He nodded wordlessly and did as Ricky asked, sitting next to him.

“Remember a few weeks ago? When I was sick?” Ricky asked quietly, thumbing over the test in his pocket

“Yeah? What’s going on Ricky?” E.J. pressed, and Ricky could tell he was growing anxious.

Ricky closed his eyes, “I still am, a-and... I will be for a while.”

“Ricky?”

He pulled the test out, holding it in his hands. Now or never. Come on Bowen. 

“I’m pregnant E.J.”

Ricky practically saw the panic in E.J.’s eyes, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I-I should have told you, I just, I was scared, and I didn’t want you to hate me, b-but you probably do now and-“

E.J. _laughed._ Well. It wasn’t a laugh, more of a chuckle, but still. Ricky looked up at him through watery eyes, waiting for him to speak.

“Why do you always think I’m gonna hate you for something?”

Ricky wanted to say something so bad, but nothing came out. He couldn’t talk. Luckily, E.J. didn’t stop talking.

“I’m not mad, I’m just.. shocked Ricky, that’s all,” E.J. assured, “How long have you known?”

“..Two and a half weeks, I-I found out two days before you called me,” he explained, “I had to leave rehearsals because I threw up, and then I got really anxious about it, so.. I took this,” Ricky murmured, handing E.J. the stick.

He held it in his hands, “You’re pregnant..” E.J. whispered, “You’re really pregnant.”

Ricky nodded, with a weak smile, “I am..”

E.J. was grinning softly by now, “We’re gonna have a baby.”

The younger boy gave another nod, his smile becoming more and more genuine, “Yeah, we are,” he whispered


	7. if you touch me, you'll understand what happiness is

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’d never dream of leaving Ricky over something like this, sure I’ve always wanted a family, and sure it’s coming twenty or so years early, but I’m going to be here for him every step of the way.“
> 
> “Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so sorry for how late this chapter is lmao, ive been goin thru it
> 
> +i wrote 99% of this in one night.

The next morning, Ricky woke up the same way he ended up falling asleep the previous night, wrapped up in E.J.’s arms, curled into his chest. He opened his eyes slowly, his vision adjusting to the light, and finally settling on E.J.’s still-sleeping face. Ricky smiled softly, cuddling closer to him.

He stayed like that for a while later, before he felt his stomach turning. He wrenched himself free of E.J.’s hold, stirring the other boy awake by accident in the process, and booking it off to the bathroom. He was in there for a while, the door still open due to Ricky not exactly having time to shut it behind him. E.J. came in after a bit, crouching beside Ricky and setting a hand on his back, “You’re alright..” he murmured gently, “I gotcha.” 

Ricky grumbled, sitting back on his calves when he was done, “I fucking _hate_ that,” he huffed, wiping his mouth. He looked down to his stomach, “I’m _trying_ to have a good morning here kiddo.”

“C’mon,” E.J. said, standing up and offering his hand to Ricky, “You wanna go lay down for a bit longer?”

He nodded softly, hauling himself up with E.J.’s help. The two headed back to Ricky’s room, E.J. laying on the bed and holding his arms open for the younger boy. Ricky wholeheartedly accepted the offer, curling up into E.J.’s side.

A few minutes after, Ricky’s phone started ringing and he groaned, reaching for it. He huffed reading that it was his dad calling, “Hello?” he answered tiredly

“Hey bud, just wanted to say I’m headed home, is E.J. still there?”

“Yeah, we just woke up actually.”

“Alright, I’ll see you soon Ricky.”

“See you dad,” Ricky answered shortly, hanging up. Once his phone was back down, Ricky groaned, laying back down, “My dad’s on his way home.”

E.J. frowned, “Is that bad?”

Ricky shrugged sitting up again, “No, I gotta change though,” he explained, standing up to go grab his bigger hoodie, stripping out of and tossing the one he was wearing onto the bed. He frowned down at his stomach. It was only slightly distended, but he was growing faster than he hoped he would be. Ricky shrugged it off, and pulled on the new sweatshirt.

The older boy noticed the hesitancy, “Hey.. what’s goin’ on?” he asked, sitting at the edge of the bed.

“I can’t keep this a secret for too much longer,” Ricky murmured, “I’ve already got a bump.”

“Did you tell your dad yet?”

Ricky’s heart flipped, “N-Not yet, I haven’t been able to bring myself to..”

“Do you want me to help you? So you’re not alone in doing it?”

The senior hesitated for a moment, before biting his lip and nodding, “..Please?”

E.J. nodded back, “‘Course,” he murmured gently, “I mean, it’s only right, this is partly my doing too,” he explained, “And if he sees that I’m not backing down, that I’ll be here for you _and_ this baby, he’ll go easier on the both of us.”

“You’re..right,” Ricky sighed, jumping a bit when he heard the front door open. Dad.

“Are you up for it right now?” E.J. asked, taking Ricky’s hand.

He shrugged, “I-I really don’t have a choice E.J., he has to find out sooner or later.” Something clawed at the pit of Ricky’s stomach when his dad called out to him, “C-C’mon..”

E.J. stood up and kissed Ricky gently on the temple, and squeezing his hand before the two headed out.

Mike was waiting in the kitchen, leaning against the counter, smiling at the boys when they came out, “Nice to see you again E.J.,” he nodded.

“Nice to see you too Mr. Bowen,” E.J. responded.

He chuckled at that, “Come on, for the last time, you can call me Mike.”

Ricky listened quietly as his dad and E.J. talked, mostly his dad asking E.J about college life, but when the conversation fell quiet, Ricky took a deep breath, praying for his nausea to go and stay down. “Dad?” He asked, “Can we sit down? Th-There’s something I- w-we need to talk to you about.”

“Yeah.. totally,” Mike said hesitantly. He arched an eyebrow, but headed to the kitchen table anyways.

The two younger boys followed after him. Before they sat through, E.J. squeezed Ricky’s hand, as to give him a last little burst of courage.

He squeezed back and nodded, before sitting, “D-Dad, um..,” he said trying not to let himself panic, “I’m pregnant,” he murmured weakly, too scared to look at him.

_“What?”_ Mike asked, “Ricky you’re _seventeen,_ h-how did this- were you guys not safe?”

For a moment, Ricky looked like a fish out of water, panicking at the thought of trying to say something. Before he had to though, E.J. spoke up for him.

“Sir, I can assure you, we were as safe as we could have been, but something must have went wrong with the protection we were using.”

Ricky internally cringed at the fact of E.J. bringing up their sex life to his dad, but he figured that was the absolute least of his concerns right now.

“Listen boys,” Mike sighed, “I’m not mad, I just.. thought I could trust you two a little more. E.J., I’m happy that you’re stepping up right now, that shows so much about your character.”

“I’d never dream of leaving Ricky over something like this, sure I’ve always wanted a family, and sure it’s coming twenty or so years early, but I’m going to be here for him every step of the way.“

“Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmaooo big plot twist in a few chapters, y’all ready?  
> take your g u e s s e s


	8. we had the experience but missed the meaning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Ah, there we are, that’s what we’re looking for,” Dr. Whitehouse grinned, moving the wand around a bit more, “Oh dear..” he murmured, pointing to the screen, “Ricky, do you see these?” 
> 
> Ricky panicked internally, nodding. Was something wrong? Why was he making it seem like something was wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Abortion mentions

Ah. Planned Parenthood. Not somewhere Ricky would have wanted to be on a Saturday afternoon. But money had been tight, so his regular doctor recommended he come here for his prenatal care. 

The lineup of protesters out front though, didn’t quite understand that. As he and E.J. headed into the clinic, they were ridiculed, pleaded with and spat slurs at when they realized; _oh. Ricky’s the one carrying the baby._

Ricky cringed as he went through the doors with E.J., doing his best to snap back at them with something. He _wasn’t_ getting an abortion. He _wanted_ to keep this baby. He shook off as much as the anxiety as he could, stepping up to the counter. “I-I um, I have an appointment? Richard Bowen?”

The lady at the desk smiled sweetly, “Go ahead and take a seat hun, we’ll call you right in.”

He felt safer now, her calming nature radiating out. Ricky nodded, taking E.J’s hand and going to sit down. 

It was only a couple minutes before Ricky heard his name get called by one of the doctors. He closed his eyes for a second, and taking a deep breath before getting back up and going towards the doctor, E.J. in tow.

“I’m going to have you head to the third room on our right here,” he said, nodding to the two boys. He followed as Ricky and E.J. did as they were told.

Ricky sat himself on the exam chair, E.J. on a nearby chair. 

The doctor shut the door behind himself, “It’s nice meet you Mr. Bowen, my name is Dr. Whitehouse, and I’m going to be your doctor,” He smiled, holding out his hand for Ricky to shake. 

Ricky accepted the gesture hesitantly, before leaning back against the backrest on the chair.

“Okay, to start off, I’m going to ask you a few questions, just to gauge how far along you are,” Dr. Whitehouse explained, pulling out a pen from off his desk, “So, when was your last menstrual cycle, if you can remember?”

Ricky had to think about that for a moment, furrowing his eyebrows. He couldn’t come up with it off the top of his head, so he went ahead and checked his phone, “December fourteenth.”

“And, when was the last time you were sexually active?”

That, he knew exactly, trying not to grow red, “U-Um, Winter break, so, around Christmas?”

Dr. Whitehouse nodded, writing a few things down, “Alright, so, Richard-“

“Oh, you can uh, you can call me Ricky actually.”

He nodded again, “So Ricky,” he corrected, “Right now, I’d say you’re just at fourteen weeks, and that would put you in your second trimester, if you don’t mind me asking, what made you wait so long to come in?”

Ricky hesitated, “I was really scared honestly, and I only just told my dad last week,” He explained.

“Hey, that’s totally valid,” He said, “Now I’m just gonna do a quick physical examination, blood pressure and such, and then I’m going to lean your chair back and get started on the ultrasound, okay?”

Ricky looked to E.J., and then back to the doctor, before nodding, “O-Okay.”

The exam only took a few minutes, and soon, the lights were flicked off and Ricky was leaned back, his shirt pulled up to just above his stomach. 

“Okay, this is going to be a little bit cold, but just bear with me for a second,” Dr. Whitehouse explained, squeezing gel onto Ricky’s stomach.

Ricky shivered at the sudden cold, watching the machine as the doctor clicked it on. As he moved the wand over his stomach, Ricky watched the grey mass, holding tight onto E.J.’s hand.

“Ah, there we are, that’s what we’re looking for,” Dr. Whitehouse grinned, moving the wand around a bit more, “Oh dear..” he murmured, pointing to the screen, “Ricky, do you see these?” 

Ricky panicked internally, nodding. Was something wrong? Why was he making it seem like something was wrong?

“Well, these are your babies,” He said, offering a smile.

Ricky’s heart dropped to his stomach, “B-Babies? Like-“

“Multiple?” E.J. added in.

“Twins,” Dr. Whitehouse confirmed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!!!!planned parenthood isn’t just abortions!!!!!!!
> 
> they do all kinds of stuff, and that’s actually where I went for a few of the prenatal visits for my twins!


	9. i must think of a new life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He and Red had been friends since the third grade when the latter moved to Salt Lake halfway through the school year. They both realized they were trans around the same time too (sixth grade), but came out at different times (Ricky that same year, while Red waited until Freshman year). They were inseparable. So when Ricky was in Big Red’s basement that night, it wasn’t a surprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao i’m still goin thru it, but i’m gonna keep working at this book. 
> 
> I dyed my hair pink last night so that’s fun lmao

To say that Ricky was dreading going back to school was an understatement.

His heart was flipping in his chest as he headed into the black box. Ricky was wearing a big hoodie, about two times his size, just to hide his bump. He offered a smile to everyone that was there so far, setting his bag down and taking his usual seat next to Nini. She looked at him with a questioning look in her eyes. Ricky hesitated, before standing up, “Hey, I’m uh, I’m gonna borrow Nini for a second, I’ll be back,” he said, looking to Nini again and nodding to the door. She caught on and nodded, heading out before him.

Once they made it out into the corner of the hallway by the bathrooms, which was dead at the moment, Ricky sighed softly, “I told E.J. and my dad,” he murmured. 

Nini’s eyes turned soft, “Oh Ricky.. Did they take it well?”

Ricky shrugged slightly, “E.J.’s with me a hundred percent, but my dad.. he’s really disappointed in me, he’s not angry though, s-so I think I have it good.”

“That’s true..” she nodded, “Have you seen a doctor?”

He bit his lip, nodding, “N-Nini,” he whispered, voice anxious, “There’s two,” he revealed, “A-And I don’t know how I’m supposed to tell everyone, because I have to tell them I’m trans, and I’m.. e-expecting,” he rambled, keeping his voice as quiet as possible.

There was no time for Nini to react though, because as the words left Ricky’s mouth, Seb came out of the bathroom, their eyes widening slightly, clearly having heard what Ricky said.

Ricky’s heart instantly dropped to his stomach, “S-Seb, fuck, p-please don’t tell anyone, you can’t tell anyone,” he begged, hands starting to shake.

“Hey.. Listen, I’m not gonna out you anyone, that’s like, the worst thing I could do,” Seb said, shaking their head, “Is.. everything okay? Sorry, that was stupid, just, know your secrets are safe with me.”

Slight relief washed over Ricky, “Thanks... I-I swear I’m gonna tell the others soon...”

“You know they’ll all be there for you right? Even Miss Jenn,” Seb offered, “How uh,” they started, lowering their voice, “How far are you?”

“Almost three and a half months,” Ricky murmured, biting his tongue, “So I have absolutely no time.”

Seb set a hand on Ricky’s shoulder, “Listen, I know I’m not the one that gives advice, but you’re gonna be alright, I think the best place to start is Miss Jenn.”

He bit his cheek, “Miss Jenn?”

“Oh yeah, you know, when I came out to her, she was like, stupid supportive,” Seb grinned, “You’ll be okay, really, and congratulations by the way, I’m happy for you.”

Ricky gave a small smile, “Thanks Seb, I’ll see you at rehearsals alright?”

“Totally,” They nodded, heading off.

Not long after Seb went back in, so did Nini and Ricky.

During his lunch period, Ricky built up his courage, heading to Miss Jenn’s office, knocking on her open door, standing in the doorway.

She sat at her desk, working on making notes in her script. She looked up when Ricky knocked, smiling, “Oh Ricky, Come on in, what’s going on?”

“Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something personal?” He said, keeping his breath steady.

“Oh of course, close the door behind you,” She nodded, closing up her things, “Talk to me Ricky.”

“Well,” he started, sucking in a breath, “I have to leave the show.” He noticed Miss Jenn’s brow quirk, but he kept talking, trying to get it all out at once, his filter completely vanishing “I’m um, I’m e-expecting, just about three months, a-and I can’t stay because I don’t wanna get hurt, and-“

“Breathe Ricky. Say that again?”

Ricky did as she asked, and settled himself for a moment, “I’m expecting, and I-I guess that goes without saying that I’m um, I’m trans,” he explained, a bit slower, picking up and holding onto one of her pillows.

Miss Jenn frowned, “Ricky... do your parents know?”

“My dad does, I-I haven’t gotten a chance to tell my mom, b-because she’s in Chicago.” Ricky looked down at his lap, and he heard her sigh.

“I wish you the best of luck honey, my door’s always open if you need to talk, okay?” 

Ricky nodded slightly, “Thank you Miss Jenn.. really.”

She smiled at him, “It’s no problem, like I said, any time.”

Two people down.... _so_ many more to go.

That evening, Ricky figured the next person he should probably tell was Red. 

He and Red had been friends since the third grade when the latter moved to Salt Lake halfway through the school year. They both realized they were trans around the same time too (sixth grade), but came out at different times (Ricky that same year, while Red waited until Freshman year). They were inseparable. So when Ricky was in Big Red’s basement that night, it wasn’t a surprise

Red sat on one end of the bed, while Ricky was on the other, and Ricky had noticed the other boy seemed rather anxious as well, “So, you promise not to tell anyone?” Ricky asked.

“Dude, for the last time, I won’t,” Red laughed quietly, “Just tell me.”

Ricky knew he had nothing to worry about in that moment, but he couldn’t help the shaking of his voice, “I’m pregnant..” he said, fully prepared to look back up at Red to see soft, understanding eyes.

What Ricky wasn’t prepared for was looking up to see wide, shocked ones, and he was even less prepared for what Red would say.

_“Holy shit, you too?”_


	10. you need a partner in crime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And then he was alone. He was alone with nothing but the panic in his chest and the stinging pain in his lip. He was alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: f slur, transphobic comments, assault
> 
> ok i ran out of decent cats lyrics for titles so here, have tuck lyrics, because they totally did tuck for their fall show

Ricky started back at Red with equal amount of shock. “You’re- What? When did you-“

The other boy bit his tongue, laughing quietly, “I found out last week,” he explained, “Well, me and Ashlyn found out together, things had been weird, so we decided to check and well, here we are.”

“Damn..” Ricky murmured, “I didn’t tell E.J. until at least two weeks after I found out.”

Big Red arched his eyebrow, “Wait, how far _are_ you dude?”

“Uh, three and a half months?” 

“Jesus, how long have you been keeping it then?” Red asked.

Ricky furrowed his eyebrows, thinking, “Almost four weeks?”

Red sighed, “You know you’ll have to quit the show right?”

The other boy frowned, nodding, “Already did, this afternoon actually, I-I was getting too big, people would have figured it out the second I woulda’ put that costume on,” Ricky shrugged, pulling the hoodie he was wearing taut against his body, revealing his bump, “They’re getting too big too fast,” Ricky mumbled.

“They as in... you don’t know what it is yet or they as in..”

“Twins,” Ricky sighed, letting his hoodie go, folding his arms in front of himself self consciously, “Should be a few more weeks until we find out the genders,” he shrugged again.

Red tilted his head, “You seem... apathetic.”

“C’mon man, that’s an SAT word right there,” Ricky chuckled quietly.

“Uninterested? Couldn’t-care-less?” 

He frowned at that, “It’s not that I don’t care, It’s just, my head’s all over the place right now,” He explained

The other boy just shook his head, “You shouldn’t bottle up your feelings dude, I’m literally in front of you if you wanna talk.”

“I’m just... really stressed,” Ricky admitted, “Senior year was supposed to be the best, but now I have to put my plans on hold to be a parent. And I’m not saying I’m not excited, I’ve always wanted a family of my own, but not _now.”_

“I get it,” he nodded, “And hey, you really aren’t alone in this, you have all of us. We’re all in this together,” Red offered with a grin.

Ricky gave a soft laugh, “You really are still attached to that show.”

“Hey! You do gotta admit, if you didn’t audition, neither of us would be in this situation.”

“And we’d both still be single.”

“ _Exactly,_ ” Red snickered, “So you better _thank_ the theatre gods.”

Ricky rolled his eyes, “Yeah yeah, I’ll add them to the list of gods to thank for my situation.”

At that moment, Ricky heard Red’s front door open and talking upstairs, and then, Red’s phone buzzed.

“Hey, Ashlyn texted. She’s upstairs, asking if her coming down here would intrude on ‘bro time’,” He said, making air quotes, “Are you good with her coming down?”

Ricky gave a nod, “Oh yeah, totally, I uh, gotta tell her sometime,” he shrugged.

After that, Ashlyn was brought down, and Ricky explained his situation to her. She was reasonably excited, because hey! their kids would be cousins (second cousins really, but they didn’t really care about that fact). He stayed a while longer, before heaving the two alone, heading back to his own house.

The next week was decently easy. He pretty much coasted the whole time, still staying after to watch rehearsals, helping with the little things. He also revealed his pregnancy to the rest of the club, being met with extreme support of everybody. Coming into school Friday, things went different. Wrong. He felt absolutely gross, dysphoric, all around out of it. 

After lunch though is when shit hit the fan. Ricky had just left the bathroom stall, washing his hands when another guy came in. He look Ricky over and snorted, “I’m uh, pretty sure this is the guy’s bathroom.”

Ricky froze, his stomach flipping, “Yeah, I know,” he replied, heading to the hand dryer, keeping his head down.

“Well obviously you don’t, the girls bathroom is just the next door over, can’t miss it.”

“I’m _not_ a girl,” He insisted.

The guy scoffed, “So guys are gettin’ pregnant now eh?”

Ricky felt panic rise in his chest, trying to brush past him, but he felt a hand grip onto his hood, holding him back.

“Hey I’m not done fuckin’ talking to you, fag,” He snapped.

“Just let me _go,“_ Ricky spat, pulling himself out of his grip, he was _angry_ now, “I’m not doing shit to you, I just needed to pee, didn’t come here to get yelled at, by some future drop out, who’s probably too insecure because I’m more a man then he’ll ever be.”

The next thing he knew though, there was pain radiating across his face, and he stumbled backwards. Did he just get punched? He touched the side of his hand to his lip, seeing blood when he pulled it away. He just got fucking _punched._ Ricky didn’t have much time to process it though, because the guy was up on him as soon as his back hit the wall, gripping the front of his hoodie in his fist, “You better fucking _watch_ your back,” he hissed, shoving him closer against the wall before getting his hoodie go and storming out.

And then he was alone. He was alone with nothing but the panic in his chest and the stinging pain in his lip. He was alone. 


	11. what the fuck is a jellicle cat?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That evening, Ricky skipped out on rehearsals, not wanting them to see him like this. 
> 
> Of course though, the group chat blew up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> key for the chat:  
> Nini - Theatreschooldropout  
> Ricky - Disasterbi  
> Seb - Farmgay  
> Carlos - Dancingqueen  
> Red - Functionalbi  
> Ashlyn - Tokenhet  
> Kourtney - Queen  
> E.J. - Shedoesn’tevengohere

Ricky tried to clean himself up quickly, praying he could get the bleeding to stop before anyone came in. Luckily for him though, he got it to stop for the most part, yet it was still visibly busted, and pretty bad at that. The fucker was wearing his class ring. Jesus, there was no hiding this.

He ducked towards the door, trying to slip out unseen. As he reached for the door, it was pushed open, and Ricky was met face to face with Carlos. The other boy’s eyes went wide, “Ricky-“

Ricky slipped past Carlos, pulling his hood up and getting out of there as quick as possible. He didn’t want too many concerns to come up.

That evening, Ricky skipped out on rehearsals, not wanting them to see him like this. 

Of course though, the group chat blew up.

_ what the fuck is a jellicle cat? _

_theatreschooldropout : _

_Has anyone seen Ricky?_

_functionalbi:_

_No?_

_tokenhet:_

_Neither have I_

_shedoesn’tevengohere:_

_y’all really lost him?_

_ shedoesn’tevengohere: _

_has he texted any of you?_

Ricky watched notification after notification pop up, finally giving in after about five more minutes of the chat going absolutely wild.

_disasterbi:_

_im fine, just not feeling good, the twins are fucking with me ig_

_disasterbi:_

_sorry i didnt say anything_

_functionalbi:_

_I feel that man._

_tokenhet:_

_Don’t apologize_

_tokenhet:_

_Is everything okay?_

The onslaught of messages coming in after that made Ricky cringe, especially the one private message he received, from Carlos

_dancingqueen:_

_Hey, is everything okay?_

_dancingqueen:_

_Don’t think I’m letting the lip thing go, I’m worried about you_

_disasterbi:_

_carlos im fine, really. It was just a misunderstanding._

_dancingqueen:_

_A misunderstanding? That ended in you with a split lip?_

_disasterbi:_

_im fine man, alright? i dont want you guy_ _s freaking over it._

_dancingqueen:_

_It’s a liiiittle too late for that Ricky._

Ricky knew there was nothing he really could do about this. There was no hiding it honestly, it wasn’t like a bruise he could just cover up, and trust him, covering up bruises was a specialty of his. His lip was _still_ throbbing.

_disasterbi:_

_i got punched okay?_

_disasterbi:_

_it was my fault really, i was egging the guy on._

_dancingqueen:_

_Ricky you /fought/ someone?_

_disasterbi:_

_i didn’t fight anyone carlos. more like he threw one punch to scare me and then left._

_dancingqueen:_

_Ricky..._

_disasterbi:_

_just, leave it okay? i don’t wanna talk about it._

With that, Ricky shut his phone off, sighing shakily. This was going to be hard. Everything was going downhill and he was... scared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ope.  
> i finally moved back to my hometown after only a month lmao


	12. the feeling that i’m somewhere i don’t belong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit just wasn’t going his way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Transphobic parents, deadnaming on purpose
> 
> EDIT: changed ricky’s deadname, my dumbass didn’t realize it RHYMED with his last name.

Ricky covered his wound up the best he could the next morning, covering up the bruising with makeup, and putting a clear bandage over the part of the split that extended past his actual lip. 

He gathered his stuff up and headed out to his car afterwards, checking his phone finally and shooting a text to _what the fuck is a jellicle cat,_ saying he was heading out. When he had picked up his phone though, he noticed an obvious lack of messages from E.J. Maybe he just hadn’t woken up yet..

His ride to school was.. nerve wracking if he was being honest. The drama club would be _hounding_ him about his lip, he could already see it coming. Ricky tried to let his music distract him, but with the way things were going in his head? By the time he let it happen he was pulling up in the school parking lot.

Ricky slunk into the black box, having gotten there a bit early to avoid the shock of coming in late and everyone instantly ganging up on him. Surprise surprise, Carlos was the only one there, doing some choreography work. The other boy jumped at the door opening and turned, “Ricky! You’re.. early,” he commented.

“Yeah, I uh, texted the group chat, did you see it?”

“Oh no, I have it muted actually, everything okay?”

Ricky nodded, “Yeah, yesterday happened and I’d just, rather let it die.”

Carlos nodded understandingly, “I get it. Just... if it happens again, you need to tell someone okay? Things like this can’t just fly under the radar.”

Ricky bit his tongue and whispered, “Yeah.” 

People started trickling in after their little interaction, and as Ricky guessed, they were all over him, but he was quick to shut them all down, insisting he didn’t want to talk about it.

The rest of the day went smoothly, although Ricky’s skin would crawl when one of his friends would flash him a concerned look, or try and pry at what had happened.

Plus, he _still_ hadn’t gotten a text from E.J. since _yesterday._

He had texted him and texted him, but still, nothing.

Shit just wasn’t going his way.

After rehearsals, Ricky drove home, wanting nothing more than just to collapse into bed, but when he pulled up to his house, his stomach turned.

His mom’s car was in the driveway.

Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck.

She still had no idea about Ricky’s pregnancy, she was still barely accepting of the fact that he was trans.

Ricky sat in his car for a few more minutes, before biting the bullet and heading inside, already planning an escape plan if things were to go south.

She must have heard the door open, as just a few moments after he came in, she called out to him, “Riley?”

Ricky’s heart sank. Yep, there’s his mom, deadnaming him as soon as he walked in. As soon as she said it though, Ricky could hear his dad snapping at her, correcting her, and her only making some snide remark about how, “I’m _not_ calling her Ricky.” Promptly followed by more corrections from his dad.

He listened to it for a while longer before heading into the dining room, where they were waiting for him at the table. 

Lynne almost spat out her water when she got a good look at him, “You didn’t tell me she went and got herself pregnant.”

Ricky narrowed his eyes at her, “ ‘She’ didn’t, _he_ did,” he snapped out finally.

She ignored him and looked at Mike again, “You _knew_ about this?”

“Of course I did,” he retorted, “He came and told me, because he trusted that I wouldn’t _disrespect_ him like you are.”

“I’m not being disrespectful, I’m just saying that I gave birth to a girl, and nothing’s going to change the fact that that’s always going to be how I see you,” Lynne insisted, “And this?” She said, motioning to Ricky’s bump, “Only solidifies that. And it makes me sad to see the kind of life this poor baby is going to grow up to have.”

“Get out,” Mike said quickly, before she could say more.

She looked at him with wide, shocked eyes, “Excuse me?”

“I said get out. Lynne, I invited you here to talk things over, I _didn’t_ however, invite you here to have you disrespect _my_ son, and _my_ grandchildren,” he spat.

Lynne stared them both down, before standing up and storming out, the door slamming behind her.

Before his dad could say anything to console him, Ricky found himself running up the stairs to his room, locking his door and all but throwing himself on his bed.

He hasn’t realized he was crying, but after a while, he looked up through treat eyes, sending a few desperate texts to E.J.

No response.


	13. looking back is something to look forward to

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> By the end of the day, Ricky felt like he was ready to break down. The one person he needed to talk to wasn’t responding to him, and the shit with his mom was still running through his head. Ricky wasn’t okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the short chapter 
> 
> next one will be longer i promise

The next morning, Ricky fought himself to get out of bed, once again met with no texts from E.J.. That was really just the start of another shitty day. At least the messages were still on ‘delivered’. If E.J. had read the messages, and still not responded, Ricky didn’t know what he’d fucking _do_.

tues. 6:46 pm

_disasterbi:_

_no, i promise i’m okay. like i said, it’s the twins._

_shedoesn’tevengohere:_

_Alright... I’ll see you again soon okay?_

_disasterbi :_

_of course baby, thanks._

wed. 7:15 am

_ disasterbi: _

_hey i texted the groupchat, but i just wanted to say i’m headed to school and i’ll talk to you later._

_disasterbi:_

_i’m sorry again for falling asleep on you last night._

wed. 6:56 pm

_ disasterbi: _

_ej?_

_ disasterbi: _

_i stg if i ever needed you to answer more_

_disasterbi:_

_ej please_

_disasterbi:_

_i really really need someone to talk to right now_

_disasterbi:_

_are you mad at me?_

He kept reading the texts throughout his classes, as he struggled through the day, and it didn’t go unnoticed by the group. He saw the concern flashing through everybody’s eyes. He knew what must’ve been going through their heads.   
  


By the end of the day, Ricky felt like he was ready to break down. The _one_ person he needed to talk to wasn’t responding to him, and the shit with his mom was still running through his head. Ricky wasn’t okay.

He sat through rehearsals, watching as they rehearsed the opening number, and then ran Nini’s and Ashlyn’s numbers. He noticed Nini stumble a bit during _Macavity_ after she had met his eyes, and he cringed internally. After the song was over, Ricky got up and left the room with a quick excuse.

He didn’t notice Ashlyn following him at first, until she spoke up. “Ricky?”

Ricky just about jumped out of his skin at that, “A-Ash! What’re you doing out here?”

“I came to ask you the same thing actually. I don’t think I’m alone in noticing how off you are this week.”

“Listen Ash, I _really_ don’t-“

She cut him off midway through the sentence, “You don’t wanna talk about it, I get it, but the stress of holding it in won’t do anything good for you... or the kiddos.”

_Or the kiddos._

Those words were what stuck with him. He bit his cheek, looking away from her, “Things have just been rough lately I guess,” he murmured.

Ashlyn seemed to hesitate, “Is... Is it E.J.?”

That made Ricky feel sick to his stomach, “Kinda?” 

“Kinda? What did he do?”

Ricky kept his gaze down, “More like what he hasn’t done, h-he um, hasn’t been returning my texts.” He looked back up at her in that moment, and felt his blood run cold at the look of anger in her eyes

“I swear to God, I’m gonna freaking-“

“Ash no,” he stopped her, “He’s.. probably just busy with school, he hasn’t even opened any of ‘em.”

She took a deep breath, “If he doesn’t answer you by tomorrow morning, text me, he has no right to be blowing you off like this.”

Ricky took a moment, but agreed. He really didn’t want to start any family drama.

The two headed back in afterwards, and Ricky sat through the rest of rehearsals, his mind racing with everything going on. 

His ride home was nerve wracking, unsure what would be waiting for him today. To his relief, the only car in the driveway was his dad’s. His mom was still gone, and he thanked whoever was listening that she was. He chatted with his dad for a few minutes, but things seemed... awkward, not that Ricky blamed him, but it seemed like his dad knew something that he didn’t.

By the time he headed up to his room, he was absolutely drained, ready to just have a night to himself. When he opened the door though, it took him a moment to process that there was somebody else in his room, sitting on his bed. It took him another moment though, to realize that that somebody else, was _E.J.._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so, ugh.
> 
> i have cabin fever. a nasty case of it.
> 
> tomorrow my city is enacting a shelter in place order, essentially a lockdown, until april 9th
> 
> this whole thing has been absolutely killing me, and even if i wanted to go out, i’m severely immunocompromised, and i have two ten month olds at home so i can’t risk anything.


	14. does the story end or never end?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ricky was stunned into silence for a few heartbeats, taking in the fact that; holy fuck, his boyfriend is in his room, his boyfriend, who is supposed to be in Massachusetts right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ricky’s about 18/19 weeks here :)

Ricky was stunned into silence for a few heartbeats, taking in the fact that; holy fuck, his boyfriend is in his room, his boyfriend, who is supposed to be in Massachusetts right now.

“Surprise!” E.J. grinned, standing up.

Before he realized it, Ricky’s feet were carrying him across the room and to E.J., where he threw his arms around the boy, holding him as close as his bump would allow, tears already rolling down his face.

“Hey... I gotcha,” He murmured gently, rubbing shapes into Ricky’s back.

That only made him cry harder, “I-I thought you hated me!” 

E.J. pulled away slightly at that, “Hated you? Why?”

“I texted you, a-and you didn’t answer any of my texts,” Ricky answered, his voice wavering.

The other boy’s face dropped, “Shit.. Ricky, my phone’s been dead since Tuesday night.”

Ricky’s face was riddled with confusion, “Why couldn’t you.. charge it?”

“I was kind of in a rush to get out of my dorm so I accidentally left my charger..” he admitted.

“And why did you- why are you here?”

“Well, I was originally supposed to come down next weekend for the appointment,” He grinned, referencing Ricky’s appointment next week, which was supposed to be a major one, “But I could tell you weren’t having a good week, and so I booked a flight on Tuesday night.”

Ricky furrowed his eyebrows, “E-E.J., it’s Thursday.”

“There was a stupid delay, sticking me in _Illinois_ of all places, but I just got into Salt Lake like.. three hours ago.”

Ricky didn’t say anything more, only pulling E.J. back in, burying his face in his shoulder. After just a few moments, Ricky felt something. A slight fluttering, followed by a gentle nudge on his stomach. In his stomach? The definitely came from in his stomach. ...Holy shit. He pulled back with a shocked expression, “E.J.?”

“Baby? I-Is everything okay?”

The younger didn’t reply, only grabbing E.J.’s hand and moving it to his bump, praying it would happen again. Luckily for him, another nudge came a bit later, a _kick,_ just up against E.J.’s palm.

Ricky could see a range of emotions flash through his boyfriend’s eyes, tears welling up in them as their eyes met, “W-Was that them?” E.J. asked cautiously.

He nodded, his own tears coming back, “Th-That was the first time they moved, baby they _waited_ for you.”

E.J. moved his free hand to rest on the other side of the bump, rubbing shapes into it with his thumbs, “Ricky, th-this is _real,_ we’re gonna be _dads,_ ” he said, touching their foreheads together.

Ricky set his hands on top of E.J.’s, “We’re gonna be dads,” He repeated, with a stupid grin.

Over the next week, E.J. ended up staying with Ricky, not wanting to leave the boy.

Currently, the two were sat on Ricky’s bed, a notebook, and Ricky’s laptop open in front of them. Baby names. Ah, one of the _worst_ parts of being an expectant parent.

“We can’t use Isabel,” Ricky insisted, one of the latest little arguments in this whole endeavor, “That’s Nini’s middle name.”

“So?” E.J. asked, “It’s a beautiful name.”

Ricky pinched the bridge of his nose, “I’m not naming our kid after our _mutual_ ex-girlfriend.”

“Fine,” he huffed, “What about.. Riley?”

He froze at that. Fuck. Really? 

“ _No,_ ” Ricky said quickly.

He’d never actually revealed his deadname to E.J., not finding it necessary. But how in the hell was he going to get out of this one? 

E.J. scoffed at that, “Jesus, why not Riley? Which mutual ex-girlfriend’s middle name is that?”

Ricky almost flinched at the hostility. He _wasn’t_ going to get out of this one, “E-E.J., that’s.. that’s my birth name,” He revealed.

His boyfriend’s face fell, “Baby I’m sorry, I-I had no idea.”

Ricky bit his tongue, “I just.. can’t name my kid that,” He murmured softly, “Can we keep going? Please?”

“Yeah.. Yeah of course.”


	15. someone to stand at my side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thursday night was nerve wracking for everybody involved, just as it had been that first time around with High School Musical. Kourtney had gotten into makeup and costume early, so she could focus on everybody else, which was a... daunting task to say the least. Gina couldn’t find the necklaces for her costume, and Jesus Christ, where the fuck was Kaden’s collar?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is,,,, a lot to take in  
> over 2000 words 😳😳😳😳
> 
> TW: Meltdown/Sensory Overload

Ricky couldn’t help but feel... slightly upset as he walked into the planned parenthood with E.J.. It felt sort of selfish that he didn’t want him to leave after next weekend, although E.J. wasn’t even supposed to come _in_ until today, so to be fair, he did get an extra week with his boyfriend. He was thankful that he still had one more week with E.J. though. One more week of cuddles, of waking up next to E.J., one more week of having him around until next time he came home. Less than a week until _Cats_ opened, and one more week until they found out the _genders_.

They knew they wanted to have a gender reveal party, nothing big... just the drama club and some family, but they wanted to wait.

His hands were shaking as he was laid back in the chair, and the ultrasound was started. Dr. Whitehouse looked around for just a bit, making sure everything was how it should be. The whole exam took about fifteen minutes, and at the end, Dr. Whitehouse turned back to the boys with a warm smile after turning the lights back on, “Well,” he started, “The little ones were super cooperative, and I managed to see what I needed to.”

Ricky was about to speak, before E.J. started to instead, “And that means..?”

“Would you like to know the genders of your babies?”

The boys looked at each other with nervous, but excited expressions, sharing a look, before Ricky turned back to the doctor, “No.. we were going to wait actually. Could we um, have the results though? In an envelope or something? We’re planning on a reveal party,” he explained.

Dr. Whitehouse nodded, smiling at them, “Of course, we’ll have that ready for you at the front desk.”

E.J. squeezed Ricky’s hand, grinning stupidly, “C’mon then, let’s get out of here.”

Over the next week, Ricky and E.J. spent as much time as they could at rehearsals, as this was their last week, _tech week._

Thursday night was nerve wracking for everybody involved, just as it had been that first time around with High School Musical. Kourtney had gotten into makeup and costume early, so she could focus on everybody else, which was a... daunting task to say the least. Gina couldn’t find the necklaces for her costume, and _Jesus Christ,_ where the fuck was Kaden’s collar?

Everything was settled though, soon enough, and the cast gathered up backstage in their usual circle. Ricky and E.J. stood with them, hand in hand. Ricky was one of the first ones to speak.

“I just wanna say how proud I am of everyone, I’m thankful you all could carry on without me, and how you’ve persevered through every bump in the road. I’ve been with y’all since HSM, and everybody here, even me, have grown tremendously. I expect you guys to do great things okay? Go show the audience that a jellicle cat isn’t meant to be fucked with.”

“Language, Ricky,” Miss Jenn corrected, “But he is right, you all go out there and make me proud,” she smiled.

Ricky found himself with E.J. in the wings during the opening number, sighing softly as he watched them perform, “I should be out there...“ he mumbled, “Not that I’d trade anything we have for the world, but this.. this was supposed to be my senior show, I-I didn’t expect Tuck to be my last show at East High.”

E.J. squeezed his shoulder, “Baby, maybe you just.. weren’t meant to be in this show, there’s going to be opportunities after the twins are born, and after you graduate, your career isn’t over,” He insisted.

Ricky couldn’t bring himself to say anything, and just gave a shaky sigh, setting his head on E.J.’s shoulder.

The boys headed back by the dressing rooms after act one, helping with basic things, like locating props for act two, doing minor costume touch ups, things like that.

A couple of minutes after intermission began, Nini came into the room, an obviously panicked look on her face, “My headpiece, I can’t find my headpiece for the battle scene.” She was speaking quickly, her British accent coming out.

Ricky arched his eyebrow, “The peke mask?”

She gave a rapid nod, “I can’t find it _anywhere._ ”

“Did you check the bomb shelter? Backstage?”

“Checked backstage,” She confirmed.

Ricky gave a calming smile, “If it isn’t there, it’s in the bomb shelter.”

She gave a quick ‘thanks’ before turning to head out.

Ricky stopped her though. “Nina?” He said, knowing that would stop her. He didn’t call her that unless he was being serious. And of course, she stopped and turned back. Ricky could practically feel the anxiety radiating off of her, “What’s going on, I know it isn’t just the prop.”

Nini bit her tongue, “This whole thing has me anxious,” she sighed, “This show is just... so important, and if I screw up in my duet next act, I don’t know what I’m gonna _do._ ”

E.J. stepped in this time, “Nini, listen, what you’ve done out there so far? Especially with ‘ _Glamour Cat’,_ and ‘ _Macavity’_ isn’t going to be any different. You have real talent.”

“Thanks E.J...” She murmured softly, “And you too Ricky, really.”

The younger boy grinned gently, “Hey, you don’t gotta thank us, you should go get that headpiece though,” Ricky recommended, “And break a leg, we’re gonna be in the wings supporting you, and you’re gonna be absolutely amazing out there.”

Nini hurried back over, giving each of them a quick hug, and another thank you, before running off to the bomb shelter.

After she was gone, Ricky sighed, leaning back into his boyfriend. Things were looking better.

Until things _didn’t_ look better.

Just after ‘ _Skimbleshanks’,_ Ricky got a frantic text from Ashlyn.

_Tokenhet:_

_Need you in the bomb shelter asap, please_ _Ricky._

Ricky explained quickly to E.J. that he had to leave, heading towards that area. E.J. followed close behind.

_Disasterbi:_

_on my way, is everything ok?_

_Tokenhet:_

_Should be, but I really need you to hurry, we don’t have that much time._

Ricky hurried his pace at that, coming in within the next minute. When he came through the door, he saw Ashlyn and Red alone, Red in a chair, looking absolutely out of it, and Ashlyn in front of him, looking like she was lecturing, “Hey hey hey, what’s going on?” he asked, heading up to the two.

Ashlyn turned to him, “I need you to tell him he needs to sit out for _‘Mistoffelees’_ ,” she explained, “He’s exhausted after his number and he refuses to stay out.”

“I’m _fine,_ ” Big Red insisted, “Just a little queasy.”

“And dizzy,” she retorted.

Ricky sighed, “Red, your part in Rico’s number isn’t even that big,” he pointed out.

“ _Exactly,_ Which is why-“

“Which is _why_ you need to sit at least that number out, and give your body some rest, you aren't the only one using it remember? Take it from another.. soon to be dad, I’ve been there, and you need to let yourself breathe, or you could hurt that kiddo.”

A look of realization flashed across Big Red’s face, biting his tongue, “I... You're right..”

“Promise me you won’t go out there?”

Red frowned, an uncharacteristic behavior from the boy, and nodded, “Promise.”

“Thank you,” Ricky said, nodding too. Another text came through, and Ricky read it, “Hey, Carlos needs me to help him with something, I’ll be back, okay? E.J., stay here with them, Ash, you’re on soon.”

The others said their agreements, and once again, Ricky was off. 

Ricky was helping Carlos fix a piece of a costume, feeling the buzz of overwhelming energy crawl up his body. He knew what would come if he didn’t take a break now. Right now. But he kept working. He hadn’t even realized _‘Mistoffelees’_ had started, until his phone buzzed. God he was getting tired of that sound.

_Theatreschooldropout:_

_Hey, I didn’t see you, where were you guys?_

“Shit. Shitshitshit,” He mumbled

Carlos arched an eyebrow, looking over from what he was doing, “Is everything good?”

Ricky shook his head, putting his phone away and subconsciously flicking his hands out a few times, “No, shit. I-I told Nini I’d be in the wings watching her for her solo, and I missed it, Carlos, I _lied to her.”_

The junior set aside what he was doing, “Ricky, were you busy?” He asked simply.

He nodded quickly, “Yeah, I-I helped her find the mask for the battle, a-and I had to run and help Red, and then you texted,” He explained, not realizing his breathing picking up, the pressure of everything closing in around him, “N’ I gotta get back to Red soon because Ashlyn is on next and-“ Ricky instantly realized, “Sh-Shit! She’s on now, I-I gotta go!” He said, his breathing short and choppy now, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes, fumbling to stand. 

Carlos stopped him though, “Ricky, no no no, you need to sit, _now._ ”

“B-But Carlos, I-“

“But nothing,” He interrupted, grabbing his arm gently and guiding him to the chair again, “Breathe Ricky, with me.”

Ricky flinched at the touch, pulling his arm away quickly before sitting down. _Too much._ “I need-“

Carlos cut him off again, “You _need_ to take a breather, where’s E.J.?”

Ricky legitimately had to _think_ about that. His brain was moving way too fast. “R-Red,” he mumbled, his hands moving to clasp together behind his head, his elbows on his knees, and his body starting to rock back and forth slightly. He vaguely heard Carlos say something before stepping away.

Ricky’s head seemed to swirl, fogging up but at the same time _too clear._ It was too much. All of it was way too much. He wasn’t sure how much time went by before Nini came into the room hurriedly, “Carlos? Have you seen- _Ricky_.”

Nini crossed the room in a split second, crouching in front of him. Rick jolted at the sudden presence, squeezing his arms tight to his head.

“Ricky, honey, It’s Nini,” She murmured softly, turning to Carlos for a moment, “Could you.. leave for a bit please? And make sure sure nobody comes in here, at least until the end of the show.”

Carlos nodded, heading out quickly, leaving Ricky and Nini alone. 

Nini set her hand on Ricky’s knee as gently as she could, rubbing circles into it.

The boy shook his head quickly, scooting as far back as he could from her. Too much. It was too fucking much.

“Okay, that’s okay, I won’t touch,” Nini said calmly, “You overwhelmed?”

Ricky kept rocking, his arms as tight to his body as he could, without squeezing on the bump, “O-Overwhelmed,” He repeated.

“Is it the show or something else?”

“Show.”

After a while longer of Nini being there, Ricky could feel himself calm slightly, but didn’t let up on his movement.

Nini moved closer to him, just a bit, “Can I touch? Yes or no.”

There was a moment of hesitation from Ricky before he spoke again, “Touch... y-yes,” he murmured.

She listened to him, and moved her hand back to his knee, testing the waters, “Do you know how long it’s been since the last one of these? Yes or no?”

“Yes,” he echoed, finally removing his hands from beside his head, flapping them a bit instead.

“Okay...” Nini nodded, “Months or years?”

“Years,” he replied simply, sitting up more from where he was hunched over, but not even attempting to look Nini in the eyes.

Nini sighed softly, “Good, good, you’re doing great Ricky,” she assured, “One or more?”

“Just-Just one.”

She gave him a bright smile, “Hey, that’s good, I’m proud of you.”

_I’m proud of you._

That’s exactly what Ricky needed to hear in that moment. 

“And you’re okay,” she continued, “We’re alone for a while, so you’re safe, and you can keep stimming if you want,” Nini said, referring to the flapping and the rocking, that Ricky usually tried to avoid doing in front of other people, “You’re _safe.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is what quarantine does to a bitch
> 
> aight so, i’m thinking about implementing my personal headcanon that Ricky has asperger’s into this fic,,, I wrote that in in the form of him having a meltdown, and with the echolalia when he’s communicating with Nini during it. (here’s a tik tok link to explain what echolalia is!: https://vm.tiktok.com/Gv5Pka/ )
> 
> it’s my favorite hc and I do actually have asperger’s myself, so it’s not like I don’t have experience with it.


	16. i wanna raise a little something more than heaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ricky never told anybody aside from Nini and Red about being on the spectrum. He felt a fear of it, telling people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is in honor of it being World Autism Awareness day!!

Ricky never told anybody aside from Nini and Red about being on the spectrum. He felt a fear of it, telling people. It was like when he was debating coming out as trans, but with that, he felt safer, because there were other trans people in his group that were there to listen. 

But with this? There was nobody else who was autistic. Sure Seb had ADHD, but it wasn’t the same. Nobody truly felt what Ricky was going through.

He was diagnosed with asperger’s in second grade, after mistakenly being diagnosed with ADHD the year before. Meltdowns were all too common back then, Ricky being unable to go a week without having one.

As he grew up though, meltdowns stopped coming as often, only one or two a year, he started masking more and more, covering up the fact that he was different.

He avoided stimming in front of other people, stopped talking about his special interests as much, really, he tried to make himself seem... as normal as possible.

The embarrassment Ricky was feeling when Nini walked with him to find E.J. after the show was burning. He didn’t notice the looks Nini and E.J exchanged before the boys left together.

The ride home with E.J. was awkward to say the least. Everything felt _wrong_ to Ricky now. On the way to the show, he didn’t realize how constricting the seatbelt was, or how much his shirt tag felt like it was cutting into his back. His senses were all on fire, and it _hurt._

E.J. didn’t say anything, in the car at least, but when they were in the safety of Ricky’s room, he started talking.

“Is everything okay?” He asked as Ricky sat on his bed. 

Ricky nodded, “ ‘M fine,” he murmured

The older boy frowned slightly, “Ricky, baby..”

“Said ‘m fine.”

E.J. just wasn’t giving up though, reaching a hand for Ricky’s own. 

As soon as they touched though, Ricky pulled it away sharply. His hands were nearly always off limits, especially after a meltdown.

E.J. had no idea though, “R-Ricky?” he said, concern in his voice, “Look at me please.”

Ricky shook his head quickly, “C-Can’t, _hurts,_ ” he insisted. He was usually fine with eye contact, but when he was overwhelmed, he couldn’t bear it.

“Ricky talk to me then, what’s going on?”

Instead of answering him, Ricky pulled out his phone, texting Nini.

_ Disasterbi: _

_come over?_

_Theatreschooldropout:_

_Of course, everything ok with E.J.?_

_Disasterbi:_

_asking questions i can’t answer_

_Theatreschooldropout:_

_Okay, and you want me to come help you out?_

_Disasterbi:_

_please_

_Theatreschooldropout:_

_Are you okay with me telling him?_

Ricky thought for a moment, before answering her.

_Disasterbi:_

_yes_

_Theatreschooldropout:_

_I’ll be there soon, is your door unlocked or do I need the spare key?_

_Disasterbi:_

_it’s unlocked_

It didn’t take long at all for her to get there, as she lived just a street over, and before Ricky knew it, she was in the doorway of his room.

“Hey Ricky,” she said gently, coming in and sitting next to him.

“What? You talked to Nini?” E.J. asked, furrowing his eyebrows, “Why won’t you talk to me?”

Nini interrupted him, “He didn’t talk to me, he texted me, there’s a difference.”

“Still, why won’t he talk to me?” he asked, directing the question at Nini this time

“It’s not that he won’t, it’s that he _can’t,_ ” she explained.

E.J. looked at her with a confusion, and before he could question, Nini started talking again.

She sighed, looking to Ricky for a second, before back to E.J., “Ricky’s on the spectrum E.J. .”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vocab used in this chapter:
> 
> Masking: Covering up autistic traits  
> Stimming: Repeated movements, such as rocking, flapping, humming, etc.


	17. not a chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: i FUCKIN WROTE ‘TRYING YOUR SHOWS’ FOR BEN PLATTS

hey all!

The next chapter should be out by the end of the week, and a new one shot is on it’s way too!

But I’m starting a new prompt book, and I wanna start it off right!

I found this post on instagram (originally posted by Everydayatleast on tumblr), which gave aesthetics based on the voice of a broadway actor/actress.

what i’m asking from YALL, is to pick a name from the list, give me an HSMTMTS ship (friendship or relationship!!) and i will write a fic about them using the aesthetic given :) Any ship is fine, you can even specify au’s if you want (trans character, nb character, etc)

due to me being... technologically challenged, i don’t know how to paste images in here, so there are the prompts:

 **Christy Altomare:** Curtains, fairy lights, twilight streets, pigeons taking flight

 **Rachel Bay** **Jones** : Distressed denim, pressed flowers, road trips, smiling through tears

 **Christan Borle:** Bookshelves, knit scarves, warm laundry, a sky full of stars

 **Ben Fankhauser:** Packed suitcases, reassuring smiles, the grogginess of lifting your head from a book, the music room after school

 **Jeremy Jordan:** Surprise hugs, roller skates, truth or dare, skidding across the floor in socks.

 **Kelli O’Hara:** Red wine, bright ballrooms, hot air balloons, getting lost in a foreign market

 **Andrew Keenan-Bolger:** Tire swings, lemon popsicles, persuading a friend to come with you, christmas morning

 **Joshua Henry:** Telling a loved one about your day, sitting in the driveway to catch the end of a radio story

 **Jessie Mueller:** Field trips, bubbles in the park in summer, carnivals, drive in movie theaters

 **Eva Noblezada:** Adventure novels, a determined nod, walking on a curb with arms outstretched, closing your eyes at the highest point on swings.

 **Ben Platt:** Your favorite song from middle school, taking a deep breath in, tying your shoes and running after a stranger, the smell of a home cooked meal.

 **Andrew Rannells:** Cold pizza, a trip to blockbusters, cheesy photos with friends, the pain of wanting something you can’t have.

 **Phillipa Soo:** Ice skates, a mischievous smile, running down the stairs with good news, parachutes blooming in the sky

 **Aaron Tveit:** Nighttime walks, skipping school, gripping someone’s hand and never letting go

 **Betsy Wolfe:** Watering your plants, the jingle of house keys, driving on the freeway, a breath of fresh air


End file.
